The Baby Owner s Manual

The Baby Owner s Manual Author Louis Borgenicht
ISBN-10 1931686238
Release 2003
Pages 226
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Offers a whimsical approach to baby care that likens the newest member of the family to a machine needing extra-special care, in a guide that features schematic diagrams for such "maintenance" techniques as getting a baby to sleep through the night and taking a baby to a doctor for "servicing." Original. 30,000 first printing.



The Baby Owner s Manual

The Baby Owner s Manual Author Louis Borgenicht
ISBN-10 1594745978
Release 2012
Pages 253
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Offers a humorous approach to baby care, featuring schematic diagrams for such "maintenance" techniques as getting a baby to sleep through the night and taking a baby to a doctor for "servicing."



The Baby Owner s Manual

The Baby Owner s Manual Author Louis Borgenicht M.D.
ISBN-10 9781594746093
Release 2012-11-06
Pages
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At Last! A Beginner's Guide to Newborn Baby Technology You've programmed your DVR, you’ve installed a wireless Internet connection, you can even check Facebook on your cell phone. But none of this experience will prepare you for the world's biggest technological marvel: a newborn baby. Through step-by-step instructions and helpful schematic diagrams, The Baby Owner's Manual explores hundreds of frequently asked questions: What's the best way to swaddle a baby? How can I make my newborn sleep through the night? When should I bring the baby to a doctor for servicing? Whatever your concerns, you'll find the answers here—courtesy of celebrated pediatrician Dr. Louis Borgenicht and his son, Joe Borgenicht. Together, they provide plenty of useful advice for anyone who wants to learn the basics of childcare.



The Toddler Owner s Manual

The Toddler Owner s Manual Author Brett R. Kuhn
ISBN-10 1594740267
Release 2005
Pages 222
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Just when you feel like you've mastered your infant's maintenance routine, the little rascal begins to malfunction: refusing fuel, crying in public and roaming the house at 3 a.m.Your infant has upgraded to a toddler! How can you master this changing technology?With hilarious schematic diagrams, trouble-shooting tips, step-by-step instructions and advice for toddler maintenance, The Toddler Owner's Manual has the answers. Written by a child psychologist in simple and straightforward language, the helpful strategies cover everything about dealing with toddlers 12 months old and up, from training the toddler for self waste disposal to how and when to upgrade the crib to a bed.The Toddler Owner's Manual is the ideal follow-up to The Baby Owner's Manual.



The Home Owner s Manual

The Home Owner s Manual Author Dan Ramsey
ISBN-10 1594741034
Release 2006
Pages 222
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A building and home-improvement contractor gives step-by-step instructions and helpful diagrams in the same irreverent yet informative style of the previous Owner's Manuals.



Baby Owner s Manual

Baby Owner s Manual Author Steve Bedwell
ISBN-10 1921878428
Release 2012-10-01
Pages 128
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For fathers and their partners, a humorous laugh-out-loud introduction to the chaotic world of parenting, packaged as a retro car manual Regardless of the model you have taken delivery of, your baby will have certain standard equipment in common with all babies, and some which vary from model to model. No two Mother Nature Heavy Industries (MNHI) babies are identical. A humorous operating guide for fathers, this book likens a new baby to the other love in a man's life—no, not his wife, his car! This essential handbook covers everything from delivery of baby from Mother Nature Heavy Industries, regular servicing of your baby, standard equipment, the cooling system and liquid waste disposal, warning signs, even optimizing economy, and getting the most out of your baby. This is a must-have book for any father-to-be.



The Cat Owner s Manual

The Cat Owner s Manual Author David Brunner
ISBN-10 1931686874
Release 2004
Pages 222
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For every cat owner who suffers scratch marks on furniture, stray hairs on clothes and gifts of dead mice, The Cat Owner's Manual delivers loads of useful advice from a celebrated veterinarian. With the same fresh and funny approach as the mega-popular Baby Owner's Manual, this book explains in tongue-in-cheek technical style how to train, feed, groom and troubleshoot a cat. Hilarious illustrations and chapter titles like "Overview of Makes and Models" and "Interior Maintenance" make this manual a standard reference for all female and male cat owners.



The Baby Owner s Games and Activities Book

The Baby Owner s Games and Activities Book Author Lynn Rosen
ISBN-10 1594740607
Release 2006
Pages 142
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You learned the basics of infant technology with The Baby Owner's Manual. You tracked your baby's development with the Baby Owner's Maintenance Log. Now it's time to enhance your baby's performance with the Baby Owner's Games and Activities Book. This illustrated guide features games and activities to make your baby smarter, stronger, cleaner and more useful than ever! It features 75 ways to expand your baby's capabilities, rendered with the same kinds of whimsical diagrams and weird schematic diagrams that we featured in the other books. Simple step-by-step instructions help you upgrade your baby.



Baby An Owner s Manual

Baby  An Owner s Manual Author Steve Tague
ISBN-10 9780307481849
Release 2009-02-25
Pages 96
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Congratulations on becoming a BABY owner! Your new acquisition, with proper care and maintenance, should provide you with many years of enjoyment. This manual is a complete guide to the care and operation of your new unit. Instructions for models XX-G, “Baby Girl” and XY-B, “Baby Boy” are included herein, with specific instructions for handling, filling, storing, transporting, cleaning, and troubleshooting. To keep your unit in proper working order, please follow all instructions carefully. Warning: The publishers of this manual are not responsible for any damage unit causes to owner’s home, property, or mental health. Please allow up to nine months for delivery. From the Trade Paperback edition.



The Baby Owner s Starter Kit

The Baby Owner s Starter Kit Author Louis Borgenicht
ISBN-10 1594741751
Release 2007-03-29
Pages 224
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The Baby Owner's Manual has taught more than 300,000 parents worldwide how to "operate" newborns and infants. Now the bestselling book is back in an all-new deluxe packageand it's the perfect shower gift for any hip parent-to-be. The Baby Owner's Starter Kit includes: The Baby Owner's Manual Growth Chart, with stickers for marking baby's progress Diaper Changing Instructional Poster Babysitter's Memo Pad Decorative magnet Packaged with irreverent schematic diagrams, troubleshooting tips, and a handsome keepsake box, The Baby Owner's Starter Kit makes parenting as easy as 1-2-3.



Operating Instructions

Operating Instructions Author Anne Lamott
ISBN-10 9780307761033
Release 2011-02-09
Pages 272
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With the same brilliant combination of humor and warmth she brought to bestseller Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott gives us a smart, funny, and comforting chronicle of single motherhood. It’s not like she’s the only woman to ever have a baby. At thirty-five. On her own. But Anne Lamott makes it all fresh in her now-classic account of how she and her son and numerous friends and neighbors and some strangers survived and thrived in that all important first year. From finding out that her baby is a boy (and getting used to the idea) to finding out that her best friend and greatest supporter Pam will die of cancer (and not getting used to that idea), with a generous amount of wit and faith (but very little piousness), Lamott narrates the great and small events that make up a woman’s life. "Lamott has a conversational style that perfectly conveys her friendly, self-depricating humor." -- Los Angeles Times Book Review "Lamott is a wonderfully lithe writer .... Anyone who has ever had a hard time facing a perfectly ordinary day will identify." -- Chicago Tribune



Be Prepared

Be Prepared Author Gary Greenberg
ISBN-10 9781439103326
Release 2008-06-16
Pages 240
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An indispensable survival manual for guys entering the trenches of fatherhood, Be Prepared is loaded with one-of-a-kind insights, MacGyver-esque tips and tricks, and no-nonsense advice for mastering the first year as a dad. Finally, a book that teaches men all the things they really need to know about fatherhood...including how to: -Change a baby at a packed sports stadium -Create a decoy drawer full of old wallets, remote controls, and cell phones to throw baby off the scent of your real gear -Stay awake (or at least upright) at work -Babyproof a hotel room in four minutes flat -Construct an emergency diaper out of a towel, a sock, and duct tape Packed with helpful diagrams and detailed instructions, and delivered with a wry sense of humor, Be Prepared is the ultimate guide for sleep-deprived, applesauce-covered fathers everywhere.



Safe Baby Handling Tips

Safe Baby Handling Tips Author David Sopp
ISBN-10 9780762456581
Release 2015-03-17
Pages 36
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A hilarious parenting book illustrated with pictures.



Baby Manual

Baby Manual Author Ian Banks
ISBN-10 1844257592
Release 2008-01-01
Pages 193
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by Dr Ian Banks Dr. Ian Banks combines his medical expertise with his experience as a father of four to produce this unique book. Covers all stages of infant development from conception to birth and on to 2 years old. Hints, tips and advice from real-life fathers and medical professionals, and a look at the lighter side with Jim Campbell s cartoons. Now in full colour and updated to include the latest information on breastfeeding, immunisation (including MMR) and paternity leave. Of the first edition the Daily Telegraph said For men who don t know which end to plug the bottle in quite simply one of the best manuals on this model Junior



The Baby Owner s Maintenance Log

The Baby Owner s Maintenance Log Author Louis Borgenicht
ISBN-10 1931686254
Release 2004
Pages 96
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Based on the successful Baby Owner's Manual, The Baby Owner's Maintenance Log presents a refreshing alternative to traditional sugar-sweet baby journals. Hip parents can record all major milestones and measurements in these pages, including the arrival of the unit, fuel preferences and speech activation. Spiral binding, hilarious illustrations and a bound-in envelope for keepsakes make this guided journal a great shower gift.



How Not to Kill Your Baby

How Not to Kill Your Baby Author Jacob Sager Weinstein
ISBN-10 9781449410391
Release 2012-03-20
Pages 144
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"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.



Baby

Baby Author Bud Zukow
ISBN-10 0825305780
Release 2007
Pages 226
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A Beloved Pediatrician Answers Your First 365 Phone Calls